The revenge of the mutant Jewish genes

Next stop, Dr. Leibowitz--medical oncologist extraordinare. To be honest, I really wanted my entire cancer team to be composed of girls. After all, they have boobs and they know the special relationship we have to the "ladies". However, perhaps a male prespective was also needed. So I decided to give Dr. L a try. (Additionally, his schedule was open and he came highly recommended!)

As a good little cancer patient I did my homework before going to our first meeting and had all kinds of hard-hitting questions ready for him. Example: What's your favorite color? Correct answer: pink. Ok, so that was just a compatibility question. But seriusly, I really wanted to give this guy a run for his money and let him know that I was in charge. I was pleasantly surprised when he opened our conversation with (and I quote) "I am here to lay out the numbers and give you my opinion, but I am not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do. The treatment course is entirely in your hands." I liked him immediately, a doc with 35 years of experience in medical oncology who'd actually LISTEN to me...beautiful!

With that, I started my interrogation:
"What can possibly cause a perfectly healthy 31 year old to get breast cancer?"
"A number of factors", he said in a very conforting paternal tone, his wide arms crossed, the reflection of the office lights on his bald head competing with his gregarious smile.
"Mostly we can attribute it to family history. Did you say your mom had cancer?"
"Actually my grandmother too, and my aunts, and cousins, and random other males on both sides of my family tree"
"I see"
"Were they all breast cancer?"
"For the ones with boobs, yes. The men were mostly liver. They drank a lot. We area happy bunch."
Subdued laughter.
"Have you considered genetic testing? It could definitely complete the picture and give us more information for your treatment plan."
"Most definitely. Do you want to draw blood now?"
"Hmmm...the nurses do that. But it's just a precaution; the marker genes are mostly prevalent in jewish families"
Smerk
"Hmmmm" I pointed my index fingers inward and made small circular motions at my head. "Guess what..."
"Really?" His eyes got really big.
Circular gesturing continued.
"REALLY?" He emphasized.
"Really. My ancestors were kicked out of Spain by Queen Isabel and promptly migrated to South America. Turns out the Spaniards had franchised the inquisition there too. My real last name is Brosntein--Sanmiguel is just the town they came from"
Laughter
"We are definitely testing you." At that point he quickly turned around and typed frantically on the terminal. Google poped up. A second later I was staring at a table indicating the likelihood I was a carrier of the cancer gene given my family history: 70%!
"Seriously?"
"Seriously"
And there it was. Apparently you don't need to be practicing--on in any way a believer--to take advantage of the many jewish gifts: hypocondria, razor sharp self-depricating humor, neurosis, wit, sarcasm, cooking prowess and mutant genes.

> More on the genetics of Breast & Ovarian Cancer