Back Online: First email after Surgery (11 Sept 2006)

Dearest all,

I apologize for the long silence, but rest assured that all your messages, flowers, gifts, encouragement and thoughts have not only been received, but have been an integral part of my recovery. As I have already told so many of you, knowing that you are thinking of me--and sending positive energy and love my way—has carried me through the tough days and allowed me to enjoy the good ones a bit more.

I had been waiting to feel "good" before resuming my blogging duties, but then I realized two things: a) This might be a LONG while and b) "Good" is a very relative term these days. So after my writing hiatus I wanted to take this opportunity to give a quick update and once again point you to the blog. Though I may not be able to write every day, I hope to blog at least once a week—comments on posts and the wonderlust group/forum are ALWAYS welcome.

The past few weeks since my release from the hospital have been marked with small triumphs and occasional setbacks, for an overall positive balance on the recovery front. The docs are happy and want me to push a bit harder on the physical activity—which is very painful. Mom is cautious and wants me to cut down on pain meds—since they are narcotic and generally bad for you—but this diminishes my ability to increase physical activity. So it's a balancing act every day between my doctors' orders and my caretaker's wishes.

I should also mention here that mom doesn't really believe in western medicines and thinks them all generally poisonous to the body. My docs have never heard of any of the homeopathic remedies and herbal treatments mom has so laboriously researched. So I try to take the best of both worlds and I'm happy to report that some of mom's treatments—though they generally taste like ass—have been quite effective and haven't really interfered with the course of the "traditional" medicines.

Still, I am unwilling at this point to go to an all raw diet mainly consisting of sprouted cereals (it is as gross as it sounds), no dairy or starches, and go to bed at 9 pm(!) each night. I have, however, conceded on the refined sugars—drastic reduction of pretty much everything that's yummy—and moderate to actually non-existing simple starches in my diet. In addition to mom's mission to get me to fight cancer through a rabbit's dream diet and a monk's lifestyle, the docs have summarily prohibited any caffeine containing food, especially CHOCOLATE!!!! I know, this is torture! Oh, did I mention I can't drink either? Yeah. So I guess I am closer to the monk and the bunny than my normal self…

But I am taking it all in stride and immensely enjoying the time with my mom—though admittedly frustrating at times. She has given herself over to my care with the outmost love and devotion, to the point that I have to push her to take better care of herself. Like a good Latina/Jewish/Italian mama, she is very protective of me and wants to make sure that nothing in my surroundings will cause me harm. This has translated into a manic cleaning frenzy that never seems to end, including endless loads of laundry--if something touches the floor it must be immediately washed in piping hot water! I am afraid she is single handedly diminishing the fresh water supply for the whole of the Bay Area.

The most concerning of her wellness strategies for me is her firm belief that Lucas is somehow radioactive, and I shouldn't AT ALL come in contact with him. At first she advocated for having him (and all his belongings) deported from the house for an indeterminate (I believe "forever" was her goal) period of time. After a long and tearful negotiation I agreed to not hold him or in any way cradle him and stay completely clear of him, his toys, food, and living space. In turn, mom agreed that if he spent the majority of his time in the backyard and was only allowed in the house a brief period of time in the evenings—completely away from me, of course—his contamination would be properly contained and thus I could be saved from its ill effects. She then made it her mission to disinfect and thoroughly wash absolutely everything the dog has ever come in contact with. I still have to restrain her desire to bathe the poor animal on a daily basis.

Lucas, in turn, thinks that *I* am radioactive and begrudgedly (but obediently) stays clear of my bed and person. He still gets his kicks, however, using his big brown eyes and batting tail to guilt mom into long petting sessions and extended belly rubs. Mom, I believe, has secretly fallen in love with the little guy, and though she maintains her resolve to keep him (and his supremely infectious doggy dirt) away from me, she seems to thoroughly enjoy being the ONLY person in the house permitted to pet the monster. Conspiracy perhaps?

And so the days roll in intervals dictated by the meds schedule and are colored by mom and Lucas' antics. There has also been quite a bit of chanting, candle and incense burning, heartfelt talks and some tearful arguments. Mom is settling into her role with gusto and I am trying to be a good patient. It's a tough road to travel, but we are marching on and leaning on the help of so many to make it through. Mostly, I am thankful to be so loved and to have so many of you by my side.

For those of you who are in the Bay Area and would like to come and visit, I'd love to see you. So please give me a call 650-xxx-xxxx (don't just stop by pls!) and we can coordinate a time that works—generally evenings after work are a good time :) I will let you know in as much advance as I can if I am not feeling well and can't see you, but as you well know, I am a social butterfly and hardly miss an opportunity to hang (unless I am REALLY, REALLY sick!)

For the rest of you, I've loved receiving and reading your cards and smelling the lovely flowers you've all sent. I have tacked all cards to a board Rob & Allie created for me, so they are my inspiration every time I wake up, feel down, or just need to refuel my courage cell. Thanks so very much (and keeop them coming if you are so inspired)!!!!

Catch you all in blog!

Lots of love,
Paola